Zack
by Ninja Girl
Summary: Max's thoughts about Zack throughout the season.
1. Save The World

Save the World

Zack  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Life goes on (I hope).  
A/N: This is a series of short monologs, basically each slightly larger than a drabble. They are Max's thoughts about Zack throughout the season. Each one takes place after a certain episode. That is indicated at the beginning of the chapter.  
Another Note: My other story, Love Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry was put on hold after Hit A Sista Back. Tinga was a very important character. Don't worry, I'll re-write it eventually.  
  
After Pilot  
  
When Logan showed me that picture of Zack, I only kept my composure for him. I didn't even know if he had made it out. I mean, I never thought he didn't make it, I just didn't know.  
  
Looking at Zack's face was like looking into a window at Manticore. Every memory, good and bad, hit me in a matter of seconds. And they all summed themselves up with three words- This is Zack.  
  
When I was on the Space Needle, clearing my head, I decided to help Logan. After all, he's my only link to Zack. If I have to save the world to get to my big brother, that's what I'll do. And Zack, wherever you are- you better be worth this.


	2. One Eye Closed

One Eye Closed

Zack  
  
After 411 on the DL  
  
My brother Zack is a soldier. I always thought he'd be different. But really, what could I expect? It's Zack. And he hasn't changed one bit.  
  
When I found out Sam was Zack I was shocked to say the least. I always thought I'd recognize him. Then I realized that I was looking at what Zack had become. It was like he'd been on vacation, and now I could see him again. But he saw it all different.  
  
He's been sleeping with both eyes open. I've been sleeping with one eye closed. And he's convinced when my right eye's open, Lydecker's gonna be coming in from the left.   
  
Wish I got to to know him better before he left.


	3. Zack's Tears

Zack's Tears

Zack  
  
After Cold Comfort   
  
When a person cries, it is a sign of weakness. When Zack cries, the situation is dire. If the world were coming to an end, Zack would not cry.  
  
Watching Zack cry is breaking me. I am not only crying for Brin, but for Zack. For pain so severe he shows emotions. For my big, tough CO who is watching years of his care go back to Manticore on her own free will.   
  
Zack's tears are a symbol of all that is wrong in the world. Zack's tears are the years of emotions he's hid from us. Zack's tears are more rare than the finest jewels on the poorest men. I have never wanted to see Zack's tears.


	4. Wonder

Wonder

Zack   
  
After BBWW  
  
A/N I know some of the stuff in this one seems like it should go in One Eye Closed but I wrote this actually right after BBWW, so I'm keeping it as the original.  
  
I wonder where he is, Zack. They say he's dead. They don't know Zack. Dead. That's a good one.  
  
Zackkariah means remembrance of God. Strange. He was like my God to protect me from my Antichrist. I wonder why he called himself that. It's not like he believes.  
  
I'd like to think he'll never come back to Seattle. For him. For both of us. Still, I know if I'm in danger, he'll be there. That's a good thing. I think.  
  
Logan says he cares for me. Not just like a brother. But he's changed so much. Where did my Zack go?  
  
Back to Manticore. Of course. My Zack lives at Manticore. And as long as we're out here, my Zack is gone. But I'll gladly trade my Zack for freedom and this new Zack. Probably.


	5. Anything Like Zack

Anything Like Zack

Zack  
  
After The Kidz Are Aiight  
  
The kidz are aiight. Every one of them. And now I know who's out there. And who's not. Astner. I was sure he would have gotten out. Aside from Zack, I've lived my life waiting for the day I'd see Astner.  
  
I hope Zack knows how much I appreciate what he did. I know he feels like it's his fault all this happened in the first place. He didn't know.  
  
Fighting the goons with him and Tinga was amazing. It reminded my though, that Zack spared me that day outside the cabin. My fighting skills must be rusty. But god it was fun.  
  
And then it was over. Zack knew I wasn't coming. I'm grateful. If Tinga's anything like Zack I don't want to have to explain. Maybe she's not anything like that. I hope someday I get a chance to know.


	6. To Be A Soldier

To Be A Soldier

Zack  
  
After Meow. Actually, at the end of Meow, before she finds out about Tinga. Because Meow and And Jesus Brought a Casserole were kind of one episode. Anyway...  
  
Why that moment? Why not sixty seconds earlier? Maybe he was there sixty seconds earlier. I could feels my face flush. And he spat his knowledge, and it stung. Maybe Logan was right. Maybe he was jealous. Or maybe he's still just so messed up that he thinks love is a weakness.  
  
Then I started to think. He was the one who didn't want to risk saving Brin. And here he was, trying to save Tinga. Makes me wonder.  
  
We devised a mission plan, and I felt like a little kid again. The fire in Zack's eyes lit up the room. He was happy. Really happy. This is what Zack wants. To be a soldier. A soldier in freedom. I don't think he regrets not being totally human at all. Just not being free.


	7. Every Beat

Every Beat

Zack  
  
After And Jesus Brought a Casserole.  
Do I really think Zack's dead? I'm not sure. But Max does, so this is what I'm basing it off of.  
  
Tell me about the good place. Where no one ever gets punished. And no one gets yelled at. And nobody disappears. And when you wake up in the morning you can stay in bed as long as you like. And where even in Zack's eyes, It's all Good. I hope Zack is in the good place. Zack is in the good place.  
  
And he has left me here, not the bad place, but the place where you go when your clone tries to kill you and your brother saves your life. Where it is not the good place, or the place between the good and bad places. It is simply a bad place, where you almost wish the Nomlies were sucking your blood.  
  
I don't know whether to be grateful to Zack or curse his very existence. He saved my physical being and took my life with him. I've never totally believed Zack was dead before. Now I know. I can feel it with every beat of his heart.


End file.
